And why this time it is different.
10 years ago (in 2003) I was in the final stretch of high school. I was also overweight and uncomfortable in my own skin. With the financial backing of my grandparents and the emotional support of my best friend I walked into Weight Watchers for the first time. Every Wednesday night I took my 11 dollars and stepped on the scale. I changed my eating habits and played rugby 4 days a week. I lost 35lbs.
4 years ago (in 2009) I was in the final stretch leading up to my wedding and also finishing my first degree. Unbeknownst to me this would also be one of the most emotionally challenging times in my life as my Dad battled cancer and its associated complications. Again I walked through the doors to Weight Watchers and I went every Thursday night. I lost 48lbs. I was 177lbs at my lightest.
I maintained a reasonable weight loss until about a year to a year and a half ago. Now the pounds have come back on. I went from 183 to 225 in less than 18 months. In addition to my clothes not fitting, I no longer feel comfortable in my own skin and I am erasing myself from my own life. I spend time on the periphery, I choose not to participate and I avoid pictures at all costs.
Yesterday I walked back into Weight Watchers. Since 2009 I have walked back into WW a couple of times, tried WW Online and also done online calorie counting. Each of these attempts have been marred with self-sabotage. I let myself feel the woe is me, that feeling of entitlement where you just want to eat what you want and say to heck with the measuring cups. This time it’s about embracing the journey. I need to identify my triggers, make healthy habits second nature and stop the food obsession.
I know WW works for me, the support and the structure of the plan. So I’m back and trusting in my ability to do this and realizing that what I get out, is what I put into the journey.